Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
