im drinking this country out of the recession.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
