I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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