Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
