My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
