I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
