If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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