Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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