So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
