Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
