My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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