he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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