i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
