I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
