how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish you could order shots online.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I AM VODKA MAN
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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