Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
