note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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