So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
