my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
