im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
