I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize