wat bout pragnant strippers??
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
