we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
