i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
