I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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