i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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