Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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