I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
