WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
