Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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