This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
