Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
