I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
