Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
