I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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