mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
