Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
