i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
