Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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