I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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