Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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