I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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