Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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