You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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