she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
