I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My bed is full of blood and feathers
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
