She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
