why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
