We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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