Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize