I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
