Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
