Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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