whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
