Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
