nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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