You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
