listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
