so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
