If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have already put on my inside pants.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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