That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have feelings that need drinking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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