Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
