I hate all girls vehemently.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
