You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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