Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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