What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
