The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
