Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
