And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize