You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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