I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize