i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
