OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
