he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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