You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
