jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
