My room smells like vodka and shame
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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