you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
