wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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