My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
