ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
