Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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