i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
