One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
