i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize