apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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