I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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