As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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