At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize