I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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