Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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