hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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