i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We had to coat check the pizza.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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